OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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