Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
