How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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