I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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