I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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