My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
