: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
either way he was missing a nipple.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
