She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
