Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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