i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
