somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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