I cannot find my penis.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
