allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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