is wine microwaveable?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My bed smells like the plague
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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