So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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