she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
