Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
