did you get engaged???
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
