New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i wish my penis had a tongue
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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