Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
