Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
