you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
