I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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