i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
