a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
