When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
