exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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