he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
