i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
