do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
