NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
