remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
