My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
