it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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