were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
