listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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