So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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