I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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