What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
