I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
