This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
