Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
