Cold hands, warm shart.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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