Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
