if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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