The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
