i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
