I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
