it was like his penis was on wheels.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
