I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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