We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
