Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize
