My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
