Moan for me like Helen Keller
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
