I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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