I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
