We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
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