just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
