do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
