Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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