No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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