You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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