Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
